Unleash Yourself Upon the World!

What is the most common regret in life?

I wish I had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

The power of expectations is vastly underestimated!

Parents may be the worst offenders. Children, including adult children, try to please their parents, even when the parent is completely clueless to their child’s unique identity and is an obviously twisted, self-consumed person. These people may think they love someone, but their actions reveal they are completely clueless about the true nature of love as they pervert it into something which is selfish and controlling, and the very antithesis of real love.

Women keep going back to abusive men, feeling as though they are responsible for his behavior. They reason, if they are good enough at fulfilling his expectations, he will not be abusive.

I once had an acquaintance who wanted me to enter into a venture with him. I carefully thought about and explained to him why I did not what to be personally involved and wished him well. He kept stalking me about it and eventually wrote terrible lies about me as a comment on my own blog. He continuously tried to squeeze me into his mold, so his venture could be successful.

The political rancor that poisons our nation is such that there is often a point of dissonance in our casual conversations. People will turn to you and think or say, I can’t believe you feel that way. My initial response is to rationally explain my position. If I don’t get anywhere with that, then my next instinct is to fight fire with fire and to respond in a pithy and somewhat insulting manner. Lately, a new way to respond has occurred to me. When asked how or why I take a particular stand, I respond, because I want to. If the relationship is one of true friendship and love, that will be enough. Now I am thinking of a more complete response, like, because I want to, Is that okay?

Let me try to summarize with a few pithy sayings of my own.

• When someone tries to control you, don’t play their game.
• Be a man! Be a woman! Do not let yourself be the object of someone else’s control!
• If someone is abusive to you, get out of the relationship!
• Don’t ever let anyone belittle you!
• Understand that God is at work within you. Follow that quiet voice. Be who you are intended to be.
• Don’t be ever be stopped by someone who tells your idea will be a failure or asks a bunch of questions that you don’t have good answers for. Consider their comments and make adjustments, if necessary, but don’t let them stop you!
• Unleash yourself, your true self upon the world!

Demystifying Hope

This post is one of many on the topic and is a partnership with Synchroblog and Provoketive Magazine. You will find the complete list of articles at the end of the post.

“You can live forty days without food, four days without water, four minutes without air, but not even four seconds without hope.” – Anonymous

Hope Described

It is laborious and depressing to try to muddle on when you feel hopeless. In my own precarious situation, I have noticed that the slightest development can ever so easily tip my emotional scales one way or the other. Yet, I believe hope is more than a half-hearted, wistful, emotional aspiration.

Hope is grounded in belief. For me, those beliefs include a loving God who was outlandish, unexpected, and extravagant in the way he loved through Jesus; and that love story is not over. As a matter of fact, I get to soak up his love and transfer it on to others right now; and if things fall apart, I am reminded that it is not the last chapter and I will never be abandoned by this loving God.

Hope is an attitude. Like the UHF dial on a 1970’s TV, it has to be constantly adjusted and carefully tuned in. A little change in weather and the signal gets fuzzy. It takes a constant adjustment process for our attitude to reflect our beliefs and not our emotions.

Hope is rooted in reality. Real hope has a real chance of really happening. Pie-in-the-sky hope is like a limp handshake; less than sincere. Hope needs a real object that we are focused on and consumed by.

Hope is very hard work. Staying hopeful is hard work, but laboring to make the hope a reality, will probably be your life’s work. Everybody has hopes and dreams, but most people die with them being unrealized. Perhaps, even more people die having pushed them out of their minds because they perceived them to be undoable or unrealistic. Honestly, it will take more tenacity and flexibility than you can currently imagine for your hopes to be realized.

Hope Applied

My hope is fueled by anger and frustration. These are very legitimate reactions and powerful motivators. Let me explain.

Our nation is locked in a polarized nightmare of paralysis with unsustainable debt, out of control healthcare costs, runaway unemployment rates, and decreasing world influence. The church is suffering from sexual scandals, shrinking memberships, a perceived loss of relevance, and the ironic reality that many people are unable to make the connection between it and Christ. Our educational system, based on a medieval model, is a prohibitively expensive, long-term commitment, unreasonable for many of today’s workers, and questionable in its effectiveness in preparing people for real jobs. Customer service has become a sadly inadequate, excessively automated, cost-saving, half-hearted, insincere attempt, which all too often, is totally frustrating. Social service in our nation is difficult to navigate, poorly coordinated, increasing hard to sustain, and locked into a client/provider paradigm that assaults the dignity of those who use it. We can and must do better. There is a global awakening that many of our societal institutions are simply no longer serving us well.

My hope to address our urgent need for boldness and creativity lies not with those in positions of power, but with those who can find no place or no longer desire a place in the power structures of our culture. I stand in solidarity with my brother and sister outsiders. I have an unshakable belief that many of these people who have been shut or who have opted of the power structures and conventions of our society are visionaries who will become entrepreneurs who will help the rest of us find our way. It was probably the trauma of finding themselves on the outside that forced them into their new desire to forget what they left behind and to dream about and fight for what could and should be.

My role is to encourage and equip them however I can. What keeps me going is seeing the need, knowing that this vision flows out of my true identity, and more than anything else, knowing that others believe in me and in this vision. These things reinforce my hope.

I invite you to join me in becoming actively hopeful.

 

List of participants:

The Trouble With Hope: John Ptacek

Hope = Possibility x Imagination: Wayne Rumsby

Little Reminders: Mike Victorino

Where Is My Hope: Jonathan Brink

Hope for Hypocrites: Jeremy Myers

Now These Three Remain: Sonny Lemmons

Perplexed, But Still Hopeful: Carol Kuniholm

A Hope that Lives: Amy Mitchell

Generations Come and Generations Go: Adam Gonnerman

Demystifying Hope: Glenn Hager

God in the Dark: On Hope: Renee Ronika Klug

Keeping Hope Alive: Maurice Broaddus

Are We Afraid to Hope?: Christine Sine

On Wobbly Wheels, Split Churches and Fear: Laura Droege

Adopting Hope: Travis Klassen

Hope is Held Between Us: Ellen Haroutunian

Hope: In the Hands of the Creatively Maladjusted: Mihee Kim-Kort

Paradox, Hope and Revival: City Safari

Good Theology Saves: Reverend Robyn

Linear: Never Was, Never Will Be: Kathy Escobar

Better Than Hope: Liz Dyer

Caroline for Congress: Hope for the Future: Wendy McCaig

Fumbling the Ball on Hope: KW Leslie

Content to Hope: Alise Wright

Hope: Oh, the Humanity!: Deanna Ogle

Is It Bad to be a Moderate?

Political campaigns drive me nuts with all their type-casting, generalities, and negativity. It is unfortunate that if a candidate has ever done anything that in anyway indicates he has changed his mind, or anything that can in anyway be connected to the other political party, or anything that can in anyway cause him to be branded a moderate; he will be vilified (at least in the primaries).

Let me put the implications in practical terms.

• If you have changed your perspective, you’re bad.
• If you are a good listener and like to consider divergent ideas, you’re bad.
• If you are an independent thinker, you’re bad.
• If you are a negotiator, you’re bad.
• If you don’t vilify the other party, you’re bad.
• If you will not toe the party line on every issue, you’re bad.
• If you like to find common ground with people, you’re bad.

Therefore, we reap the following results:

• The people of our country are further divided.
• Our government is dysfunctional.
• Relationships are needlessly strained.
• Pressing problems remain unaddressed.

People are totally disgusted with their elected officials.

In reality, what we need are people with the very qualities that are disdained by those who are running for office.

They Say…

Here is a summary of my observations on presidential campaigns.

The candidates always say they are going to run a positive campaign, but it always turns negative and nasty.

They always say that the campaign is about the people and their love of the country, but the one with the most money wins.

They try to act like they are humble, but have huge egos to even consider running.

They try to appear common, but most of them are millionaires.

They say they are trustworthy, but play fast and loose with the facts.

They present a carefully crafted image, but we seldom catch a peek of the real person.

They all have plans about what they would do if elected, but those plans are usually in the purview of Congress, rather than the administrative branch.

They beat their stump speech to death, but usually offer little detail.

They say they are good leaders, but yet they try to out conservative (or liberal) one another, indicating an unreasonable nature that is closed to new ideas.

They say they have the right experience, but how in the world could you be prepared to be the President of the United States?

They are all going to straighten out Washington, but no one ever has.

They all act as though they understand the common man, but they are likely all elitists who don’t have most of the concerns of the common man.

They say they want what is best for the nation, but their rhetoric is divisive.

They are usually very good communicators, but very poor promise keepers.

They know what you have to do get elected and are willing to stoop to that level, but often do not know how to rise to the level of a leader and chief executive once they are elected.

They are usually very intelligent (or well advised), but I find that character and conviction is much more important.

They know how to spin most anything, but straight answers are elusive.

They never say, I was wrong, but always say their opponents are wrong.

Nobodies’ Christmas

I hope that you have a wonderful time with your family and friends at this Christmastime. May your hearts be warmed as you treasure them and the great lover of nobodies.

The image is by the amazing David Hayward, “graffiti artist on the walls of religion”.

The Unsustainable Gap between Power and People

Why can’t I be happy sitting the pew and doing a little something to help out at church? Why can’t I be content to be a part of community association and help out at various fundraisers? Why can’t I become a part of the system and just shut up? Look at all of the people who just love their involvement in these kinds of activities. What’s Wrong with me?

I really do wonder about me from time to time! But, it’s not just me! Time Magazine’s person of the year is the protestor. Most of the protests seem to be directed toward unresponsive governments and corporations, but there is something much, much bigger happening.

We live in a time when there has come to be an unsustainable gap between our societal institutions and the people they supposedly serve. Most of the people feeling this tension are not protesting. Instead, they are complaining a little here and there and wondering at times if they are crazy because other people seem to be just fine with the way things are.

Their experience with church, community service, customer service, education, government, and other institutions has left them feeling shut out. That’s good because it may well be easier to give birth than to raise the dead. I believe that being disenfranchised and having solidarity with others who are disenfranchised and getting angry about injustices and unresponsiveness is very good, if leads us from criticism to creativity.

Back to original question about why I am no longer willing to blend in with some existing social structures.

• I am not heard nor respected.
• The chances for paradigm shift are very small.

What do I do that spooks people?

• I ask questions that are threatening to their mode of operation.
• I look at things from the perspective of an outsider, rather than an insider.
• I dream big.

And I don’t plan on changing!

So, if what I said resonates with you, let’s agree to stop banging our head up against the wall and build something new.

Underwear for Christmas

This post is part of the December Synchroblog, Jesus Came: Did We Get What We Wanted? A list of participants is included at the end of this post.

Many Christmases ago when my nephew was at the height of the cool toy stage of life, he tore into one of his gifts from my parents, his grandparents, to make the awful discovery that his practical-minded grandma had given him the gift of tidy whities. They were not cool boxers or briefs with cartoon characters on them; they were plain ole white underwear. He was literally shocked, as he blurted out, “Underwear for Christmas!?!?”

Christmas reminds me that life is full of surprises, some good, some not good at all, and some just plain ole surprising.

That was true of Jesus’ birth and his whole life. His birth was humiliating. He really was born in a barn! For most of his life, he was an obscure laborer. The last few years of his life, there was a mixture of people who followed him, many for the wrong reasons, along with an often clueless handful of misfits. Most of the influential people hated him and tried to discredit him and even kill him, but the rejects liked him. Eventually, in his mid-thirties, he was tortured and executed. You can see how all of this was very surprising to people, even though it was foretold.

The Christmas weirdness continues to this day. The pervasive holiday cheer amplifies the pain of those who are going through something difficult, those who are reminded of a painful past, and especially, those who are staring at an empty chair at the Christmas feast.

Sometimes crazy things happen at Christmas time. Someone usually has too much to drink at a party. People spend too much at the stores. We eat too much in the name of celebration. Families have too much drama when they are supposed to be warm and loving. It can get kind of excessive and obligatory and our expectations are dashed like those of my nephew.

So, what else is new? Life is full of dashed expectations and unwanted surprises. It’s a given. How people respond to these things, however, runs the gambit.

When something bad happens, we can get mad, stay bitter, feel victimized, and give up. Or we can process it, work through the anger, refuse to stay bitter, and resist feeling victimized. These awful things could make us more determined and focused than ever. They could even help us find our purpose in life and a way to help other people. They could unleash waves of new creativity.

These rough patches could make us more determined than ever to live in a way that expresses love to people, reaches out to those on the fringes, speaks truth to power, takes bold risks, and does not worry about pleasing everyone.

In other words, the crazy and sometimes wicked things that sneak up on our blind side and hit us in the face could make us more like Jesus… and that is very surprising!

Synchroblog participants:

Jeremy Myers – The Unexpected Gift From Jesus

Tammy Carter  - Unstuck

Jeff Goins - The Day After Christmas: A Lament

Wendy McCaig – Unwanted Gifts: You Can Run But You Can Not Hide

Christine Sine – The Wait Is Over – What Did I Get?

Maria Kettleson Anderson – Following The Baby We Just Celebrated 

Leah – Still Waiting For Redemption

Kathy Escobar – Pain Relief Not Pain Removal

Is It Bad to Compromise?

For the last several weeks, I have been poking around in the nooks and crannies of the Hager Hacienda in an effort to eliminate clutter. Boxes of outdated and unused books have been donated to the community library. Clothes went to the drop-off box. Old dishes were delivered to a local charity. Worn-out linens went to the pet shelter. An old stereo and other gizmos were delivered to the electronics drop-off. Paint and other household chemicals went to the chemical waste facility. I still have one load of miscellaneous stuff for Goodwill. It is good to simplify your life!

But some things aren’t so simple. I am thinking of the challenges that face our nation. Oh, we love to hear to hear politicians who spout off with simple solutions. Bachman would build a fence along the entire southern border of our nation. Herman Cain said stupid people are running our country. Rick Perry would eliminate three cabinet level agencies. He just can’t remember which ones. Actually, most things promised by presidential candidates are not even within the purview of their authority, because they would require legislative action.

Republicans want to eliminate regulatory red tape to create a better business climate (and employment) climate. Dems want to support government safety net programs. Congress is deadlocked, giving the president and easy target to blame for the mess and his lack of leadership. No one is willing to do anything politically risky as everything waits until after an election that is a full year away while we teeter on the brink of extreme unemployment, insolvency, and general decline. Our government is the very picture of deadlock and dysfunction, while our officials (our employees) “fiddle while Rome is burning.”

The issues we face are incredibly complex and governmental “solutions” are famous for engaging the law of unintended consequences. So, legislative approaches that worth a damn will require serious research and hearing from a lot of different voices.

Recently I heard a fascinating interview on C-Span with Supreme Court Justice Anthony Scalia. When asked about our government’s gridlock. He replied that the founding Fathers intended that it would be very difficult to pass legislation, so that the minority perspective would be considered. Lawmaking requires negotiation. Negotiation requires compromise. What is not happening in Washington? Negotiation and compromise!

These are bad words to purists, but purists are not realists and they tend to vilify anyone with a different position. Should you compromise your values? No, because that would make us hypocrites, untrue to yourselves. But one of those values should be, respect for all people even your political opponent. Another one should be openness to new ideas. How many times would legislation be improved, if these values were in play? So, negotiation and compromise does not mean that you compromise your values. It means that you probably won’t get everything you want in a piece of legislation, but that it is a step in the right direction.

Actually, the legislative process happens to be like the rest of life. In life, which is a context of relationships, you had better be willing to compromise and negotiate or things will be very, very difficult.

Tough and Tender Tightrope

I sometimes wonder if I am getting old and crotchety. Okay, the old part is a given, but am I becoming increasingly demanding, cranky, and paranoid?

Let me try to put this in context, in the last several years, I have been screwed over several times in ways that were not only personally hurtful, but also, financially devastating.  Being involved in different things, including being the legal guardian for my disabled brother, I encounter a lot of customer service representatives and many of these encounters are an exercise in futility. I almost feel like my circumstances give me a license to be cranky.

I think that I have gone from being naïve to wary and inquisitive. Certainly, I hope that I won’t fall of some of the stuff that I have in the past. My present circumstances allow me more opportunity to choose my associates and to discontinue unhealthy relationships. Generally, I can be more honest with people and I no longer suffer from guilty feelings when I have a difficult encounter with someone. For instance, I can tell a customer service representative plainly what needs to be done and not back down.

I get angry at how utterly stupid many companies customer service is and how societal institutions have become unresponsive and self-serving. I think it is a good thing, if it moves me toward nurturing some positive alternative.

Maybe this is the tender side of me. I get really pissed off when I see people disenfranchised and I understand the feeling even more completely than I would like to. I confess to being moved to tears at The Muppet Movie; probably just a sign of my emotional instability though. (Tell anyone and you’re a dead man/woman walking!)

Do you struggle with this tough/tender balancing act?

Antithetical Advent

This post is part of the Advent Synchroblog, Jesus is Coming: What Do You Expect? This rest of the participants are listed at the end of the post.

My favorite NFL team lost today… by a wide point spread … to a really bad team… on the heels of a four game winning streak, and I didn’t like it one bit!

I hate expectations! I really hate them when they are projected me and I am almost always disappointed when I transpose them on others.

Let’s face it, expectations are about getting what we want, the way we want it, when we want it. So, isn’t it rather bizarre for humans to have expectations of God? It seems like he should have the right to surprise us and even to defy us.

I am trying to think if Jesus ever met the expectations of any of his contemporaries other than John the Baptizer, who introduced him to the world. Can you think of anyone else in Scripture who recognized him immediately, who could honestly say, Yep, just like I thought?

He was full of surprises.

There was no deliverance from the cruel imperialistic Roman rulers, as hoped for. He did not lead them into battle and had little to say about the corrupt leadership of the nation other than to give to Caesar that which is Caesar’s. Big disappointment!

He didn’t acknowledge the piety of the religious elite. Instead, he mocked them, derided them, and called them really bad names. What’s that about?

He openly defied religious law by eating with pagans, associating with thieves and prostitutes, and healing and harvesting grain on the Sabbath. Was he crazy?

He was poor. The circumstances of his birth were dubious. He lived in obscurity for most of his life. He was uneducated. He had to be taken care of financially by others during his ministry years. He wasn’t good looking, like Jim Caviezel. He chose losers to be his close associates. He ticked off all the powerful people of his day.

There was no deliverance from oppression, no affinity with the religious, no promising followers, no education, no resume, no living by the rules.

He was not what anyone expected!

What do we expect?

We expect him to provide a job when we are unemployed. We expect him to help us keep the bills paid. We expect him to take away our undying tendency to fall in the same damn hole over and over in our life. We expect him to lift us out of our mundane monotony. We expect him to cause our wife or husband to understand us, at least, on occasion. We expect him to keep our kids from doing something really stupid. We expect him to keep us and our loved ones from getting cancer. We expect him to help us get a good parking space once and awhile.

We expect him to see to it that we catch a break every now and then!

What if this isn’t even a truly valid question, i.e., What do we expect (of Jesus)? What if the deeper meaning of advent is not about expectations of Jesus (who defies them) or ourselves (who can never live up to them)? What if it is about remembering how Jesus lived and loved and defied expectations? What if it is about us living, loving, and defying expectations?.

Wait a minute! There is a truly advetvent-ish message here. It is that Jesus totally surprised us in the way he associated with the outcasts and stood up to those who misrepresented him and oppressed people, the way that he was so ordinary in appearance, his family of origin, and his occupation, yet became an endearing Rabbi and the singular hope for humankind. He surprised us in the way that he could tell a story, hug a child, touch a leper, defend a prostitute, party with wealthy scum bags and other riff raff, take full advantage of a teachable moment, disregard cultural boundaries to lift those long despised, and make leaders out of losers.

Sometimes, the very best thing you can give a person is the opposite of what they are expecting. That’s even better than getting a good parking space, though; rock star parking is pretty awesome too!

The rest of the synchroblog participants:

• ron cole at the weary pilgrim – advent: reimagining everything
• liz dyer at grace rules – expect the unexpected
• sarah styles bessey at emerging mummy – in which i’m expecting something from advent
• miz melly at perchance to dream – parousia
• kathy escobar at the carnival in my head – present, humble, vulnerable
• David Perry at Visual Theology – Advent As A Mirror of Possibility
• Christine Sine at Godspace – Jesus Is Coming What Do We Expect?
• Liz VerHage at Living Theology
• Sally Coleman at Sally’s Journey – Come Spirit of Advent
• Jeremy Myers at Till He Comes – Jesus Is Returning Today
• Tammy Carter at Blessing The Beloved – His Gift … the way of escape!
• Ellen Haroutunian – Remember Our Story
• Carol Kuniholm at Words Half Heard – What I’m Waiting For
• Mihee Kim-Kort – Advent Expectations: Keep Awake
• Wendy McCaig – We’re Expecting A Baby
• John Reid at Blog One Another – Undiscovered Advent: The Second Coming of Christ
• Dave Wainscott – For Advent I’m Expecting What I Desire and What I Deserve